I hope Rick Santorum finds Barack Obama in the arena and when Barack climbs up one of the huge trees, Rick thinks he’ll be smart by waiting under the tree for Barack to come down for water but instead, Barack drops a tracker-jacker nest on Rick and Barack gets away with only 3 stings.
2. When you see someone walking alone, leave them alone.
3. If you pull over to help a person whose car has broken down, remember not to rape them.
4. If you are in an elevator and someone gets in, don’t rape them.
5. When you encounter a person who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape them.
6. Never creep into a person’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at them from between parked cars, or rape them.
7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping someone, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.
9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.
10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking someone out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in them as a person; tell them straight up that you expect to be raping them later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, that person may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.